1. found this in the notes on my phone. i wrote it after i got super stoned and visited an antique mall with my pal.

    the mall existed inside some other dimension, it must have; it was a never-ending series of living, breathing corridors, twisting and turning and dissolving and re-forming in a very conscious effort to never let you find the exit, or that nice scarf you passed earlier that your mom would probably like. every wall was covered in precariously balanced delicate objects, and i was dizzy and terrified that i would destroy everything with my clumsy movements. the place was full of little booths run by various ancient ladies, selling clothes and knick knacks. the ladies were wearing the same kinds of clothes that plastered the interiors of the booths, and stoned as i was, i thought at first that they were grown into the walls of the labyrinth. it was terrifying and awesome. i felt like i was in a sci-fi horror film. wrinkly monsters melted out of the walls at every turn, accosting me with evil low prices announced in raspy demon voices. it took me like three hours to buy two scarves

     

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  3. how to paint like van gogh

     

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  7. i dreamt that my mom tried to get me to join her and her boyfriend’s shitty indie family band, which only performed at the top of a very tall tree. we lived in an apartment on top of the tree for a while. there was a stargate nearby

     


  8. i utterly botch my presentation for a new villain character who burgles bagles, named the bagler. the western bagel board of directors boo and hiss as they tear chunks out of their bagels and pelt my sorry body with them
     

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  10. someone on soundcloud called my music “perfect to play online pool to.” they said they always play online pool to my music
     

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  12. riding around with my blunt on my lips
    the sun in my eyes and my gun on my hips
    if nautical nonsense be something you wish
    then drop on the deck and flop like a fish

     


  13. google search “wiccan romance spells”

    google search “wiccan aphrodisiac”

    google search “how to make a girl like u if ur wiccan”
     

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  15. my dad just asked if chicago footwork is like riverdance